(8:33:48 PM):I'm not stable. I know you're not either, but. I don't know, I'm so fucking out of the ball arena of even being close to stable.
(8:34:21 PM):I stuck by your side, I gave you time, and I didn't leave, I kept trying.

honestly, I won't get to sleep tonight.
It's killing me, boy can't we make this right?

Fact: I miss him so goddamn much.
Fiction: I dreamt about him again last night.


none of this matters anymore for i've seen love and it comes in a form of beauty only a girl named Kady could ever possibly possess.

(10:37:48 PM): No one could compare to you in my eyes, no matter what. You have always been more beautiful, more amazing, and untouchable.

It's bad that I still melt down whenever he says these things, isn't it?

none of this matters anymore. i've seen love and it comes in a form of beauty only a girl named Kady could ever possibly possess.

in an escape from myself.

Once, when I was really depressed, I made a list of things I'd never do again.
One of them was cry.
I've done a lot of crying lately, and I feel so fucking weak.
I cry because of the weather, because of school, because of people.

because of him.
I feel so alone. Everybody is just going on in life.
I'm in neutral. Kind of like Charlie from the Perks.
I hate being like characters.
I want to be myself again.

Really, I'm kind of balancing on the tilt of life.
I want to live, but I also want to die.
I don't know if this pain is worth it.
I'm too numb. Too lost. Too hurt.

I realised the slowest way to kill yourself is to ruin everything you loved.

dot dot dot.

I feel like a failure every day now.
I don't have nice clothes.
I don't have nice hair.
I don't hang out with the nice little ordinary people.
I don't play a sport.
I don't do anything but sit around and mope lately.


I'd be better off dead. Because I'm just dead weight.
Ninety pounds of it.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind stands strong in my favorites of all time.

I don't know where I'm going with this, because I don't know who I am.
What i know is what I like, and what I hate. Your pretty face falls under both.

I like watching television about dead people. dead places. dead movements.
I like watching anything that is considered contraversial.
Give me a marathon of the Steve Wilkos Show, The L Word, Queer as Folk, Skins, Intervention...
I'm set for a while.
I used to love SVU, but it's never on when I look anymore.
Plus, it during the marathon when he broke my heart for the first time.
More than television, I love movies. But not your normal movies.
During the summer I spent my time watching any and every movie I could find that sounded interesting.
I stopped at number one hundred and sixty-something, I think.
I kind of lost track because then school started, and I lost time for everything.

I love playing pretend, dreaming, and writing.
All of these things go hand in hand.
People say I live my life in my head too much.
Maybe it's true, but I think that the world should be glad.
if I were on planet Earth all of the time, people would hate it.
They would hate me a lot more than they do.
When I grow up I want to be a famous writer.
I want to write about things that make people cry, laugh, smile, yell...
and feel like the book was written all for them.

In general, I am afraid. I don't know what I'm afraid of, but I am afraid.
I'm afraid of people. I'm afraid of being loved, but also not being loved.
I'm afraid that one day I will go to sleep and it will be over; it will be the end.
I used to want the end to come sooner than it is, but now...
Now I wish that I could live for another million years.
Maybe reincarnation exists, and I will be able to.
I would do a lot of things differently.

I think the main thing I'm afraid of, though, is me.

period nine to the third power repeating. Elly[bear]

Anything and everything belongs here.
Elly is the side of me that I let everybody see. It's the biggest lie.
She's the happy-go-lucky, nobody can touch me kind of person.
She's the person whom, if you mess with her or somebody she loves, she will kill you.
She gets you to fall in love with her falling in love with you.
Then she pushes you away.

Without her I am lonely and depressed.
But sometimes it's better without her, because she's not afraid.
of anything.
If you offered her pills or alcohol, she'd take it.
That's what makes me wish she were dead.

She used to be Stevie, Steph, whatever you knew her a.
All of that is dead now, though. And that's all that matters.

Oh God, I think I'm falling out of the sky.

Another fucking Holocaust project.
I hate Mrs. Greene.
Je deteste le mechant chienne.
Elle est tres gros est bete.
Je adore parler de elle en français avec mes amis.

That was the best thing I've said in french all year. :]