thirty.

It has been a while since I have been on here.
It's been a while since I have been anywhere except space.
I don't know what I've been doing, honestly.
I have David, Paul, Jose and Ryan over all weekend minus Friday.
That was a mistake, of course.
I am torn in two pieces again.

I talked to Kady the other night. It was brief, but enough to keep me alive.
I am ready for the summer.
I want to get out of here so fast.
I don't want ot have to deal with boys any longer.
Especially boys named David.

I thought about living off of vitamin water and power bars for a while. I might do that, honestly.
Even though it will upset a certain boy and a certain girl.
And neither name starts with a D.

four. seven.

Kady's birthday is tomorrow. I love her.
I found the rings I'm giving her.
God I feel so weird.
I'm fifteen and I can barely drive,
but I'm technically engaged.
People find it strange. Both cause it's a girl and because I'm young.
Oh well. They can roll over and die.

I am really tired.
Working on some late homework then passing out.

Fifty-four and we're rolling downhill.

He didn't come over.
She called.
I am so tired.
I am watching Parent Trap and FINALLY the dish stopped cutting out.
I love this movie so much.
It's such a shame about the woman in it who died during the ski accident.
That is probably why they are playing it.

I am thinking about working on my story.
I have a week to myself with only a few things to do.
On Thursday I am going to Choctawhatchee [Chawk-taw-hatchy] and Navarre.
The two schools that I have to choose between.

Anyways I'm going to lay back down now.
Writing seems like a better idea by the minute.
The television keeps cutting out.

Fifty five.

It is scary that time is going by so fast.
This weekend was fun.
I spent time with my friends in the neighborhood on Friday.


Then Saturday I drove up to Sonic to meet some friends.
Yes, I actually was the one driving.
And no, I didn't crash and die.
We ran across the high way and went to Wal Mart.
then we went to Josh's.

Today I went and looked at the new house and got drapes.
They're lime green. :]
I'm currently talking to Alys, typing this shit, and looking for stuff to put in my new room.

GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE.

I am suffocating.

Sixtyone.

My life is over until further notice.
I'm taking a mental health day/week/month/year.

I drove on the high way on Sunday.
It was the only good thing about that day.

Something beside the point.

I thought back to all of the times I've been fooled
by all of the people I was supposed to trust most in life.
I thought back to when I read his blog on el-jay.
How he's not here any more, and the last thing he said to me
was that I was worse than his mum.
I wish I could start over back from then.
I would listen to his problems.
I wouldn't talk about mine.
I'd tell Kady I love her more than I did.
I'd be honest with her about everything.
I wouldn't need new, "better" friends.
I wouldn't need a boy toy.
Because that is all that he is.
And god, I hate it so much sometimes.

I wish I could just become a nun until I have this all figured out.