two weeks and some change

It still feels so weird being here.
I haven't really done much, and I still have a lot of stuff to unpack.
I'm just afraid that if I take this on in an assertive manner, I will become homesick for Pensacola.
My grandmother and her boyfriend visited this week for a few days.
It felt kind of weird almost. I don't know.
Right now my head hurts a bit and I need to brush my teeth.
I want to see My Sister's Keeper but my mom informed me that AT&T might be sending people out here to fix our phones.
Oh joy, right?

when you were mine

I can't stop listening to tegan & sara.
So read my lyrics

I'm walking past the factories with my arms stretched out wide
If this were my oasis you'd walk along side me all day
then we'd run past the houses they're building in place
of all of the memories we have yet to create

We can drift through the ocean with the tides dragging us
and we'll get lost for hours beneath the sun in the sea
we'll watch it go down and the sky fade to gray
I'll tether you to my heart like a boat to a dock
and you'll never be more than a few feet away

I know I might sound hopeless
but I can't keep from wondering
what it could feel like
to fill the empty space by your side

So we'll walk through the allys and we'll stroll down the sidewalk
sI'll be held on earth with your arms wrapped around me
and I'll never feel more free than I do beside you
and as the shadows begin to fill me with fear
I will smile up towards you at the words that you whisper
in hopes that you will become my savior tonight

The stars start to blend into the shadows of the sun
and all the clocks in the city strike half past the hour
it's gotten late and my heart's gotten cold
but your voice helps to make me not feel so alone
It may only be an hour til you decide to go home
but promise me this won't be the last time I see you around

I know I might sound hopeless
but I can't keep from wondering
what it could feel like
to fill the empty space by your side

There isn't much to say, so I'll sum everything up in this unfinished song

When I heard your voice for the first time
I swear I started to lose my mind
and it killed me inside when you left me behind
because I was so afraid
I thought I would never see you again

So please just stay with me
hold me by your side and promise me
you will always stay right here
because when you are around I feel so weak
I start stumbling, rambling
tripping on every sentence that I speak
but I don't think I'll ever
want to feel anything other than this

One more day in this one horse town.

I am going to miss the ball park.
I am going to miss the parades.
I am going to miss the music stores.
I am going to miss the walks down town.
I am going to miss Gina.
I am going to miss my mother's friends.
I am going to miss everybody and everything about this place.
Well, almost everybody.
I'm not going to miss him.

I SAID NO, YOU FUCKING BASTARD.
NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

I am slightly annoyed.
I don't know where my Cobra Starship shirt is.
Do you have a clue?

sitting in an empty house

The computer won't shut up with its annoying whirring created by the fact that it is suckish and overheats all the damn time.
I mopped the sunroom today because it smelled like piss thanks to the lack of house training my dogs have had.
My mom was slightly suprised I got off my ass and did something other than bum movies off of channels we got for the summer, sleep, and avoid eating.

I've only had about seven hundred calories of food today. It is horrible, really. I've probably drank more calories than I've eaten.
It's not like I'm trying not to eat, it just happens you know? I get hungry right before I sleep so I eat a few skittles or a spearmint candy and then I pass out. When I wake up, it's like somehow the empty hole that is my stomach has been filled in with cement. So I eat something light, and then I eat something else a few hours later. Then mom comes home around seven and makes spaghetti, and I stare at the meat while she makes it and I almost throw up. But damn, Ragu is the best damn thing I've had all year.

I tried to get all the way through lesson 1.08 done for my geometry course today, but I can't take my Lesson 6 exam because it's proctored and password protected and I do not have either things available to me. Which is why I kind of feel like telling my e-teach that she's nice and all but her multi-coloured email fonts and constant encouragement and praises just make me want to scream.

I am afraid to pick up the phone again, by the way. I kind of wonder if people DON'T realize that my dad literally has a member of the CIA on speed dial.