My parents are talking about going shopping today.
Meaning I'll probably be home alone.
Whenever I am home alone, I get into a lot of trouble.
Trouble with people I love.
I know this, but I accept this.
I do not know why people love me, because I am a monster.
Maybe I wasn't always a monster, but I definitely am a monster now.
Who I am isn't who I was, or who I thought I would be.
But it is what I am right now.
And he is what keeps me from feeling so alone in the world.
Because all of the love that I hear about from people so far away makes me insane.
I thought about swallowing bleach.
But then it reminded me of somebody I used to be friends with.
So I just kind of am sitting here trying not to cry instead.
I wish I had answered his phone calls.
I wish he would text me back.
I hope he comes over tomorrow.
I hope... I hope it all works out in the end.
I hope I don't go too far and end up in the same situation I have been in before.
Becoming emotionally attached to another person I know I don't have a shot at lasting forever with.
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