in an escape from myself.

Once, when I was really depressed, I made a list of things I'd never do again.
One of them was cry.
I've done a lot of crying lately, and I feel so fucking weak.
I cry because of the weather, because of school, because of people.

because of him.
I feel so alone. Everybody is just going on in life.
I'm in neutral. Kind of like Charlie from the Perks.
I hate being like characters.
I want to be myself again.

Really, I'm kind of balancing on the tilt of life.
I want to live, but I also want to die.
I don't know if this pain is worth it.
I'm too numb. Too lost. Too hurt.

I realised the slowest way to kill yourself is to ruin everything you loved.